Parenting Without Parents…

Recently, two of my very dear friends sat with me and listened while I shared some tender feelings about being a parent without a mother or a father.

This moment was sacred to me because; I was able to witness both my own courage to be in my grief- and the courage of my friends to be there with me.

This witnessing also occurs with my children. We are navigating and metabolizing grief together. They are learning how to sit with feelings and how to move through them. I am learning from them too- honing these skills right along with them.

So many of us are just not taught or mentored on supporting others or ourselves in grief, despite it being part of life and part of being human, really.

I am choosing to normalize grief when sad things happen in my home. This creates more opportunity for learning about ourselves and our capacity to be brave and really feel!

I see how- just talking about things openly with my kids creates more flexibility and resilience in their minds and bodies. I used to fear that they would get 'stuck' in despair, be overwhelmed- but I did not give them enough credit. In fact, the opposite is true- being stuck is when you have a 'belly full of feelings' (as my son once said) but no safe space to just let it out and make it move.

A year ago we lost a dear dog, Charlie. I was laying with my daughter at bedtime (it was her turn to get mommy that night) and we heard my son start to cry with his dad in his room, missing Charlie.

"Mommy," she said, "you should go to Eli's room because he is grieving now. Tomorrow he will be talking about farts and you can lay with me....you know, that is just how it goes with grieving."
-Penina at 8 yrs old.

I really have such deep respect for these kiddos of ours :)